Unloved
by Skye1963
Summary: Sam believes that he is unloved so much he wants to die.  Then a visitor tells him differently.  One bad word.


_I don't own the Sam and Dean Winchester. I'm just borrowing them for a while._

Unloved

Sam Winchester would have grown up not knowing love except for his brother and even then that love was tinged with responsibility. John said he loved Sam but really looked at him as a burden and, later on, a possible threat. John told Dean to save Sam but if he couldn't, Dean was to kill him.

Bobby Singer said he loved both boys but had admitted to Dean that he was Bobby's favorite. It really didn't have anything to do with the fact that, under Meg's possession, Sam came to kill him or while under Lucifer's possession, Sam did kill him or even while soulless, Sam fought for his life and tried to scar his vessel by trying to kill Bobby. Sam was just too different from Bobby to make that connection.

The angels didn't care for Sam because he was to be Lucifer's vessel. They looked at him like he was an abomination and threatened to kill him. Castiel preferred Dean over Sam and said it was because of the profound bond between them. Gabriel tortured Sam by killing Dean over and over again.

Dean had some love for Sam but when the going got tough and mistakes were made, he dropped Sam like a hot rock. Dean conveniently forgot that he had been the one to open the first seal and blamed the whole apocalypse on his brother. He held Ruby over Sam's head and basically was a shit to him until Sam redeemed himself by throwing himself if the Cage.

Sam was isolated most of his life and raged against it. His father saw it as rebellion against him but it really wasn't. It was a cry for love. John never heard the cry. When John came back from Hell, the smile and look of love was all for Dean and Sam knew it.

The other hunters they worked with had liked Sam but usually kept him at arm's length. Sam was just too different from them and very few of them took the time to get to know the kid. Then came the time when some hunters tried to kill him.

Mary said she loved her newest son but she had sacrificed him for John's life even before he was born. Jessica loved him but ended up dying on the ceiling of their apartment and Sam had very few encounters with love after that.

Even his return from Hell was done for the love of his brother, not him. Dean asked Death to retrieve Sam's soul, not for Sam's sake, but because Sam was dangerous without it. Castiel smashed the wall in Sam's mind without a single thought to Sam. He did it to stop Bobby and Dean from interfering with his opening of Purgatory.

Even God seemed to hate Sam. He did nothing about the torture and hell Sam went through in the Cage, preferring to let an innocent man suffer the wrath of two Archangels.

Now, Sam sat in a lonely motel room and contemplated his life and hated it. He was suffering and Dean was at a bar. Sure, Sam was liked but not loved and it was love that would have kept him from considering suicide. It would have been easy. Dean was gone and the room was full of weapons. He was tired of being a pawn or someone's idea of a hunter. He had only ever wanted to be seen as himself. As he sat on the bed, he looked at the fully loaded gun in his hand and yearned for peace. He made his decision. No note, no explanation, just a quick bullet in the heart.

He raised the gun to his chest, making sure it was pointed directly at his heart. Before he could pull the trigger, a brilliant white light filled the room and Sam felt two fingers on his forehead. He fell to the floor unconscious.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

The Word had heard Sam's cries and came to the tortured young man. He knew how Sam felt and wanted to do something for him. Sam's mind and heart was broken but that was nothing to the Word to fix. So He gathered Sam in His arms and, releasing His Grace to ease Sam's pain, rocked the young man. Tears fell from His eyes as He remembered His own sacrifices for the world. It wasn't easy to be special or unique.

"Sam," the Word began, "I know exactly how you are feeling but I want to show you that you are loved very much. Maybe not as much as you want but you are still loved. Your mom loved you and tried to save you the night she died. She didn't just give you to the demon for your father. She didn't know what her deal would entail. Maybe she should have thought it through more but in the end it was love that caused her to make the deal in the first place. She told me how blessed she felt when first Dean was born then you. Her life was complete.

"Your brother loves you very much. If he hadn't, do you really believe he would have made the deal for your life? He values his life too much to throw it away on someone he didn't care about. He was the one who raised you. He could have been neglectful and abusive about the whole thing but he wasn't.

"He loved you enough to let you go to Stanford and to rescue you from the fire that claimed your girlfriend. He loved you enough to let you jump into the cage when all his instincts cried out to hide you and never let you go. Sure he was angry about the mistakes you made but he was even angrier at himself for his own mistakes. He feels that they were the causes for your decisions. He has deep guilt about opening the first seal, even though he didn't know he was doing it. He thought you should have learned from his mistakes and he's angry that you were not able to make an informed decision. You were badly hurt and he couldn't do anything about it. For that he lashed out at you since you were the closest and safest one to him.

"Even though your time was very short with Jessica, she loved you so much that she wanted to spend her life with you. Even though you were having dreams about her death, there was nothing you could have done to save her. She knows that and forgives you even though there is nothing to forgive.

"If you were not firmly entrenched in Bobby Singer's heart, he would have killed you the first time your vessel tried to kill him. The man who never wanted children called you son and that's what you were to him. Sure, Dean was his favorite, but most human parents have a favorite child whether they mean to or not. This child is closest to them in their personality and likes but that doesn't mean that they don't love their other children equally.

"Gabriel loved you so much that he tried to teach you how to be tough. When he found that it broke you, he gave you back your brother. It hurt his heart to see you suffer because he went through the same thing with a couple of his brothers. He didn't want you to go through the same pain that he did. Dean's words weren't the main reason he did the right thing. It was you and your actions that pulled at him until he made a choice. Now Father has him back in Heaven, healing his hurts. Because of you, he is Home. He keeps watching over you and sends his love. When he is healed, he plans to come back and fight at your side.

"Castiel may have believed in the party line at first but then he got to know you. He once told me that you were one of the most pure souls he had ever met. At first, he _was_ there only for Dean but then he got to know you and felt a most profound love for you. He was confused because you were supposed to be the embodiment of evil with a pretty face but over time, he found that your beauty went soul deep. You were the one who saved him over and over. When he tried to pull you out of Hell, it was for your sake, not just for your brother. Cas didn't want to see you tortured when none of this was your fault. You forgave him when Dean couldn't and that meant so much to him that he sacrificed himself for you. No angel would ever do that for a human, but he did because of the love he felt for you.

"Father wanted you out of Hell and allowed Cas to go get you. It was because you felt you deserved to be there that your soul was ripped from your body. Free will can be a bitch you know and not even the power of Heaven can override it. Death had to actually overpower you to get you out. He said you were kicking and screaming how you deserved being there, tortured by my brothers. You didn't and he knew it. Father also gave you the strength to endure the wall coming down. If you hadn't believed that you deserved Hell, the memories would have been just nightmares, not life threatening.

"The difference between you and Me is that I knew what was going to happen. I knew that one day I would die for the world and that most of my friends and family would have to watch me do it. I only spent three days in Hell but I had the power of Heaven and My own free will to get out. Unlike you, I didn't believe I deserved to be there.

"You had your betrayers in the form of so-called friends, so did I. It hurt when Peter denied Me and when Judas betrayed Me. In effect, they had helped to cause My death but I forgave them. The hunters who hurt and killed you were scared and thought they were doing the right thing. It wasn't right but it is understandable for most people. Your father betrayed you in the most grievous way by telling your brother he may need to kill you. But even before that, he had let his fear and grief cloud his heart against you. He loved you, but he was afraid to get too close. That's why he favored your brother over you and that's why he left your brother to raise you. He is so proud of you and wishes that he could do things over so the two of you would have been closer.

"Sam, you have touched so many lives that if you were to die, it would be a tragedy that would have global consequences. You gave your life for everyone and to give into depression would negate what you had done. Life is painful but also beautiful. Live, if not for yourself then for the people you already sacrificed for, for your brother who wouldn't be able to live without you."

Sam stirred in the Word's arms and snuggled closer. "In all of the history of mankind, there were three main sacrifices made. The first was the Question. His brother killed him out of a fit of jealousy. With his death came the emotions of regret, penance, and sorrow. It also was a lesson in free will and how the decisions made have consequences. The second was Me, the Word. My sacrifice gave the world forgiveness and Father's love. The third was you, the Message. You took My Teachings and lived them to the fullest. Your sacrifice will be taught everywhere and the world will be a better place for it. I am so proud of you and My heart is filled with love for you. I am very happy to call you My little brother."

With a final hug and kiss to the forehead, the Word laid Sam on the bed and stood up. From a pocket, he took a pendant and put it around Sam's neck. It was made of the same metal as angel blades were made. On the front was an engraving of a dove and on the back was words written in Enochian. Then the Word went to Dean's bed and put something on his pillow. The Word took one last look at Sam, smiled then disappeared.

A few minutes later, Dean stumbled through the door and managed to walk to his bed. His head cleared the moment he saw what was on his pillow: the Amulet that he had thrown away so very long ago. His eyes filled with tears and he turned to look at his little brother. All he could do was assume that Sam had the Amulet all along but then he noticed the medallion hanging around his brother's neck. Softly, he picked it off his brother's chest to look at it. When he turned it around the Enochian was clear but then turned to English. Tears began to fall from his eyes when he read the words: _For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life._

It was a message of love and forgiveness that Dean knew his brother needed. No matter what Dean tried to tell him, Sam insisted that he was not worthy of forgiveness. This was a message from God. A simple love letter. That night, Dean slept in the same bed as his brother, curled up behind him in his own message of love, with the Amulet hanging from his neck. The morning would bring monsters and horror to their door but their love would be their shield. Sam was loved.

The Question-Abel

The Word-Jesus

The Message-Sam

Thanks to my beta reader Diayu Amaya


End file.
